Gratitude Project: Frederick Banting and a few poorly puppies...

In a world without good Canadian doctors like Frederick Banting and his team - life for my family would be very different....scary different.

In 1921 Dr.Frederick Banting and his team of doctors and chemists, discovered a hormone called insulin by testing the pancreas's of diabetic dogs. Insulin -- a hormone that our family now spends hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds?) of dollars a year on, to support the 2 Diabetics living in my home.

My husband was diagnosed with T1D in 1989, at age twelve, in Boston, MA. His journey was not an easy one. The many changes in blood sugar testing and regulation of that time paired with living in a country that did not provide the kind of medical support we get in Canada created an expensive and tiring life for him and his family. Thanks to all the advances and moving to this beautiful place, things are completely turned around for how he manages this disease. (Another note of gratitude!)

Fast forward 28 years, and our sweet, seven-year old son started showing all the awful symptoms of Diabetes and shortly after, was also diagnosed with T1D. (A little harder to find gratitude here...)

This rocked my world, shook me to my core (and any other cliche statement that illustrates devastation...). Part of me wondered, I would venture to say that even a very small part of me knew that when we were experiencing the telling symptoms of Diabetes, that it was in fact, going to be the very thing we dreaded since we first found out we were pregnant. 

(I won't get into the fact that our OB/GYN told us 100% that this baby would not have Diabetes because it doesn't explicitly pass down from parent to child. For that reason, we doubted it being the big D from the beginning...slightly massive letdown.)

Our boy lost 11 pounds in just over a month, started wetting the bed out of no where (this from a boy who potty trained in 2 days while we were in Nashville, TN at age 2 and hadn't had an accident since), became ravenously thirsty 24 hours a day and... I could go on. He hadn't truly smiled in weeks. He was exhausted, but no one knew why. His collarbones were popping so far out of his little neck that he thought they were going to snap. 

The symptoms were confusing and scary, but gradual and almost "gentle" in a way that made it hard to realize how serious things had become.

ENTER INSULIN.

After leaving several doctors appointments, unsatisfied with answers like "growth spurt" and "bedwetter" - we finally pushed and got referred to a paediatrician, who, after hearing the symptoms, gently suggested a quick blood test that next morning.

Cut to 11 missed calls from the hospital while I worked that day and me finally answering the phone, to have our new paediatrician say "Valerie...you need to wake your son up and bring him to the hopsital NOW. His blood sugar is critical high and...I didn't want to say this over the phone...but we strongly suspect it is Diabetes".

Shock.

Tears.

Panic.

Worry.

Worry.

Worry.

A quiet whispered update to my husband, asking him to be calm for me.

And then running.

Running over to my parents house.

Slamming the door behind me.

Crying into their arms.

"They...they think...THEY THINK JAKE HAS DIABETES...I...I have to go NOW...we have to go now."

. . .

Everyone was so quiet and so reassuring that everything would be fine. Jake, although skinny as a whip, thirsty and slightly confused, was fine. He was so lifeless, now that I look back. Normally a rushed trip to the emergency room in the night, with a crying mom and every other family member that can fit in the car along with us, would worry him - but that night, the elevated blood sugar had taken so much from him that he hardly flinched at the ordeal.

I kept thinking: "I should have known".

But the grace of God and the strength of my family kept me from thinking it too often.

And then, like I said...and thanks to Frederick Banting and a few poorly pups in the 1920's...ENTER INSULIN.

Within minutes he was given insulin and the life slowly came back to him.

It was magic. 

(...Who am I kidding...it was hell on earth watching my child be injected with something so foreign)

But it was magic.

It was healing. 

It was helping.

It was WORKING.

Here are 2 photos.

The first one...I hate. Truly.

It is his perfect face but, I almost don't even see him in it.

The second...is after 1 day with insulin in his system.

Day 1

Day 2

--------

Life changing, Dr.Banting. Life changing.

I get teary when I read of the first people who were treated with insulin.

"Witnesses to the first people ever to be treated with insulin saw "one of the genuine miracles of modern medicine," says the author of a book charting its discovery.1

Starved and sometimes comatose patients with diabetes would return to life after receiving insulin.

Ultimately, the first medical success was with a boy with type 1 diabetes - 14-year-old Leonard Thompson - who was successfully treated in 1922. Close to death before treatment, Leonard bounced back to life with the insulin. "

Can you imagine his mother??

Her son, close to death, with a disease that had killed countless others, with no help in sight (or in history)...simply "bouncing back to life" with the treatment of insulin.

So, thank you, Frederick Banting. 

You saved my guys 

You saved so many others.

You took a death sentence and turned it into a manageable disease.

You pressed on in your research and changed the world.

...and this mama is ever grateful.

xoxo,

Love from,

Thoughts: This Path We're On...

January 26, 2017. 1:00am.
Those first steps out of the hospital doors that night felt so much like the day we first took him home as a new babe. We were standing in the same place, eyes wide with excitement; with this precious life to care for. We felt the incredible weight of responsibility paired with this new depth of a love we had never known before. The only difference between this night, and that day in 2009, is that this time, instead of excitement, we were wide eyed with an overwhelm of information & unsettling fear that I truly thought would never leave me.

That night at the hospital was filled with testing, waiting, wondering, listening, comprehending...a few tears...and one shot of insulin that would become the first of hundreds to come. (He will have had over 1,200 injections by Christmas).

Once we got home, we put him to bed and then...we cried. Well, I cried. My husband held my hand, lay beside me, hugged me and held back the tears that I know he wanted to let out, too. We cried, we watched, and I laid awake, checking every few minutes for a sweaty brow or a shaky body... it was more than I thought I could ever learn to handle.

The following morning, we began what would be our new routine: finger prick - test sugars - count carbs - injection - eat (repeat...and repeat and repeat). I will never forget that first injection I gave him: shaky hands, nauseous stomach, trying to hide tears from my little one as I lifted his shirt & poked his skin. It felt wrong. I knew the insulin would help, and this was all for good, but I felt so wrong - inflicting the (albeit, small amount of) pain that my child was cringing over. Giving him a needle. Mums are supposed to be the hand-holders in those moments, not the needle-givers.

I was grieving so many small things that week. So many comforts that I had become used to - so many eases of every day.  As I said before, I thought, "surely I will never be able to handle all this".

> > > Fast Forward > > >

April 1, 2017. 10:22pm.
I sit here, beside my husband, both of us finishing up some writing on our computers. Our little one is sleeping in his bed - and all is...normal.

Normal...whew.

I did wonder if we would ever feel normal again; I honestly wondered if I'd ever even breath again. I couldn't imagine being anything but worried in the future (In my irrational worrisome nature, I even gave thought to rearranging my schedule so that I could sit in the car outside of all his lessons & playdates...).

They say hindsight is 20/20 - (they say a lot of things, don't they...) but, what is foresight? Because mine was just so off. I could never have pictured us here, back to feeling like "us". Not worried about every little moment. Making it through the highs & low's (and I'm not talking figuratively this time!) and being...okay. I pictured a struggle for every injection, a scared child, a whole new menu of foods, endless doctor's appointments. When I looked 2017 in the face, I saw worry & overwhelm clouding every corner. I just couldn't have imagined...peace.

And yet, it always shows up. (Why do we always wonder?)

Peace.

I really couldn't have imagined it. Me? A worrier in the truest sense of the word, experiencing peace - through this? ...I could never have imagined it.

...but, then, as always...entering quietly in the depths of my heart...Jesus. The One who can grant peace where peace seems impossible. The One who can calm a raging sea. Jesus came & covered me with peace when I thought that any chance of it was gone...

"He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or think!" -Ephesians 3:20

I know it won't always be a peaceful path that we walk and changes will surface over the course of the year and years to come, but, diabetes was not nearly the worst news we could have received from the doctor that night. So many parents have experienced so much worse. So many long to be parents, so many wish they still had their child with them to even worry about... No question, Diabetes or not...we are blessed. As my sweet Irish grandpa said every day "No complaints, whatsoever".

So, no complaints - not even one.

Here we are, 2 months later, feeling, both, back to our normal selves - and yet completely anew...and I have to say I like it. I can feel God's peace in my heart in a new way than ever before - and it all came through this trial.

I love the line in the song "Through It All" that goes "I thank Him for my mountains & I thank Him for my valleys, I thank Him for the storms He brought me through - 'cause if I never had a problem, I wouldn't know that God could solve them...I wouldn't know what faith in God could do."

Such a perfect line that sums it all right up. I have seen yet another beautiful side of my Jesus, through this - and I hold Him even closer to my heart now.

Watching God work is amazing. To watch your heart go from broken pieces to a beautiful mosaic of trust & peace, is the most beautiful thing you can imagine, and, if this is what our trials can bring us to, it might just be worth it.

XO,
Love from Valerie

Motivation Monday: What Makes You, You?

It's officially Christmas here. 

Okay, so, not the magical kind of Christmas with lights & Mr.Claus - but you get it, it's cold! (Like: "my-family-is-currently-wrapped-up-in-our-matching-Christmas-jammies" cold!) I shouldn't be so surprised - and yet I am! I was just sort of settling into the bare-foot mode that an island-girl can start looking forward to a month or two after Christmas. (Come April & I'm basically wearing sundresses 24/7.) Oh well, God had another plan for this week - maybe he wanted us to slow down (or just play together in the snow!). I've heard it said that "man makes plans & God laughs". I think there's some truth to that. So, for now, I have busted out my favourite black Hunter boots & am embracing life at the North Pole!

Our week has brightened up so much since last week. Seriously. The power of prayer & God's timing have been just amazing. I've really seen the Lord work in some amazing ways this week and feel more in tune with Him these days. Another reason to be thankful. 

I spent a lot of time being quiet this week. Thinking (over-thinking), processing (over-processing...like cheap deli meat...). I felt a little like a zombie...just, aimlessly sort of...going through my days. In the midst of one of my "I can't do this, this is way too much" moments last week, my husband (who has been just a champion for our family in managing this diabetes diagnosis this week, as he also has Type 1 Diabetes) suggested that I don't let Diabetes take over my mind. He said: "Deal with it when it needs to be dealt with, and only then. Give the shots, test the blood, feed him, watch him as needed. Be the attentive mother you already were and then go on with being YOU. Paint, sing, make music, write, laugh, watch a thousand episodes of The Office...(you think I'm exaggerating!) but --  just keep being Valerie. Then this thing doesn't win."

You know...sometimes my hubby thinks I don't listen to him (and, admittedly, I don't always show it well) but, baby, you don't know how many times I've come back to those words of yours, this week. 

Those words (and, foremost, the grace of God) have gotten me through this week. I've prayed a lot, read my Bible more, done a little painting, crafting, composing, writing...done a LOT of singing (some things never change) - and just, have been being...Valerie. 

It certainly got me thinking about what I really love, and who I really am. Those things are good to cling to & I'd be interested to know - what do you think makes you, you?

I'm going to go do some of it, right now!

XOXO,

Love from, 

Valerie

Thoughts: Last Week.

Snow day today! It was boots & coats all over again for us today. Although I was getting used to the no-socks/ankle-length jeans/just-a-cardigan weather, I don't mind jumping back in winter's direction for a day or two (just a day or two, though, please!). A snowy day inside, after all, seems like a good time to write.

Let's start with last Wednesday:

Lasssst Wednesday.

Last Wednesday night, we found out that my 7-year-old son has Type 1 Diabetes.

I keep rewriting that sentence, trying to find the right way to say it, but there's not really a great or well-worded way to say that.

Ugh. Diabetes.
I did not see it coming.
Until I did.

Any diagnosis for a child is torture on a mother. The shock, the fear, the sadness, the what-if's  -  last week was an over-bubbling pot of emotions and questions. I would call myself a 'strong' person, but when it comes to my little one, who are we kidding - (I even cried when he was put under for dental surgery in the Fall) - so, last week I was a little bit of a mess. Thank goodness that God created community. If it weren't for my family I could never have made it through this week.

My son has taken this like a champ, and even today said "mom, I don't even care that I have diabetes!". That is music to the ears of a mama who was picturing my child's heart breaking along with mine, and mourning the loss of his carefree stage. And yet, children are resilient & he is still care-free as ever. The Lord has been stronger than all of this. Little guy is just as goofy & bonkers as ever, and the insulin now in his system is making the world of difference to his little body. We are so thankful for such a wonderful health care team.

So, our life is completely different and new, and yet, as I was telling a friend this week, eerily the same. It's as if everything has changed and nothing has, all at once.

As a mom, it is surreal. My child has diabetes. My child has a disease that he will never not have. My child has had over 35 needles since last Wednesday with no end in sight. My child -- and then I breathe... I breathe & remember, we are not promised a perfect life. We are not promised ease through every moment; but we are promised God's help, God's hand, God's love, friendship, support, wisdom, guidance, protection, supernatural power... (another breath...). We have SO much more to be thankful for, than we do to grieve over in our family - and for that I am just thankful.

I am thankful it was nothing worse. I am thankful that he can live with diabetes. I am thankful that we can manage it from home and still maintain our lives. I am thankful we still have our precious child. While the little things can quickly overwhelm me - If I look at the big picture, I can just say that I am thankful.

Am I Sad? Overwhelmed? Emotional at times? Oh ya. But  -  thankful - and that is all I can ask for right now. Those other feelings will pass & change & this will settle in. But His love endures forever and will never change. THAT is what I am holding onto.

So, for those of you that were wondering - that is what we are up to in this family. (I'm pretty sure if I made an outfit post about last week it would look like a Groundhog Day-inspired repeat cycle of jeans/tank top/jacket, jeans/tank top/jacket, jeans/tank top/jacket...).

There have been moments this week when counting, balancing, injecting, processing, thinking, driving, crying...have been too much for me - so, this blog will just be something else to focus on & I thank you for stopping by!

Bye for now :)
XO,
Love from Valerie

*(Note: A combination of bedwetting, extreme thirst, dry mouth & weight loss were all symptoms that led us to visit the paediatrician for testing; more on his diagnosis story another time.)
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