Gratitude Project: Today :: Day 7

For morning light and sunrise hues

For earth and sky, the greens and blues

For every mercy made brand new

We thank You for this day

For sights and sounds and warming fires

For keeping us from wrong desires

For giving all that we require

Lord, we thank You for this day.

. . .

These are the lyrics to a song by Joy Gardner called "For This Day" - and today, that's exactly what I'm thankful for.

 In this moment, all the school work is finished, my work day has ended and we are in the quiet moments of "in between". Later I will head off to choir and then Bible study with some precious friends and as I sit here, I am so grateful, simply for what today has been. The sweet sounds of my son and my two little nephews playing in my kitchen fill my house, with Christmas music in the background and I am just enjoying...the moment, the family...everything.

So as Joy Gardner so beautifully sang; Lord, we thank You for this day.

xox,

Love from,

PS. If you are wondering...where's Day 6? You caught me! Let's just say I am thankful for the time I spent with my family instead of blogging! ;P 

Gratitude Project: Frederick Banting and a few poorly puppies...

In a world without good Canadian doctors like Frederick Banting and his team - life for my family would be very different....scary different.

In 1921 Dr.Frederick Banting and his team of doctors and chemists, discovered a hormone called insulin by testing the pancreas's of diabetic dogs. Insulin -- a hormone that our family now spends hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds?) of dollars a year on, to support the 2 Diabetics living in my home.

My husband was diagnosed with T1D in 1989, at age twelve, in Boston, MA. His journey was not an easy one. The many changes in blood sugar testing and regulation of that time paired with living in a country that did not provide the kind of medical support we get in Canada created an expensive and tiring life for him and his family. Thanks to all the advances and moving to this beautiful place, things are completely turned around for how he manages this disease. (Another note of gratitude!)

Fast forward 28 years, and our sweet, seven-year old son started showing all the awful symptoms of Diabetes and shortly after, was also diagnosed with T1D. (A little harder to find gratitude here...)

This rocked my world, shook me to my core (and any other cliche statement that illustrates devastation...). Part of me wondered, I would venture to say that even a very small part of me knew that when we were experiencing the telling symptoms of Diabetes, that it was in fact, going to be the very thing we dreaded since we first found out we were pregnant. 

(I won't get into the fact that our OB/GYN told us 100% that this baby would not have Diabetes because it doesn't explicitly pass down from parent to child. For that reason, we doubted it being the big D from the beginning...slightly massive letdown.)

Our boy lost 11 pounds in just over a month, started wetting the bed out of no where (this from a boy who potty trained in 2 days while we were in Nashville, TN at age 2 and hadn't had an accident since), became ravenously thirsty 24 hours a day and... I could go on. He hadn't truly smiled in weeks. He was exhausted, but no one knew why. His collarbones were popping so far out of his little neck that he thought they were going to snap. 

The symptoms were confusing and scary, but gradual and almost "gentle" in a way that made it hard to realize how serious things had become.

ENTER INSULIN.

After leaving several doctors appointments, unsatisfied with answers like "growth spurt" and "bedwetter" - we finally pushed and got referred to a paediatrician, who, after hearing the symptoms, gently suggested a quick blood test that next morning.

Cut to 11 missed calls from the hospital while I worked that day and me finally answering the phone, to have our new paediatrician say "Valerie...you need to wake your son up and bring him to the hopsital NOW. His blood sugar is critical high and...I didn't want to say this over the phone...but we strongly suspect it is Diabetes".

Shock.

Tears.

Panic.

Worry.

Worry.

Worry.

A quiet whispered update to my husband, asking him to be calm for me.

And then running.

Running over to my parents house.

Slamming the door behind me.

Crying into their arms.

"They...they think...THEY THINK JAKE HAS DIABETES...I...I have to go NOW...we have to go now."

. . .

Everyone was so quiet and so reassuring that everything would be fine. Jake, although skinny as a whip, thirsty and slightly confused, was fine. He was so lifeless, now that I look back. Normally a rushed trip to the emergency room in the night, with a crying mom and every other family member that can fit in the car along with us, would worry him - but that night, the elevated blood sugar had taken so much from him that he hardly flinched at the ordeal.

I kept thinking: "I should have known".

But the grace of God and the strength of my family kept me from thinking it too often.

And then, like I said...and thanks to Frederick Banting and a few poorly pups in the 1920's...ENTER INSULIN.

Within minutes he was given insulin and the life slowly came back to him.

It was magic. 

(...Who am I kidding...it was hell on earth watching my child be injected with something so foreign)

But it was magic.

It was healing. 

It was helping.

It was WORKING.

Here are 2 photos.

The first one...I hate. Truly.

It is his perfect face but, I almost don't even see him in it.

The second...is after 1 day with insulin in his system.

Day 1

Day 2

--------

Life changing, Dr.Banting. Life changing.

I get teary when I read of the first people who were treated with insulin.

"Witnesses to the first people ever to be treated with insulin saw "one of the genuine miracles of modern medicine," says the author of a book charting its discovery.1

Starved and sometimes comatose patients with diabetes would return to life after receiving insulin.

Ultimately, the first medical success was with a boy with type 1 diabetes - 14-year-old Leonard Thompson - who was successfully treated in 1922. Close to death before treatment, Leonard bounced back to life with the insulin. "

Can you imagine his mother??

Her son, close to death, with a disease that had killed countless others, with no help in sight (or in history)...simply "bouncing back to life" with the treatment of insulin.

So, thank you, Frederick Banting. 

You saved my guys 

You saved so many others.

You took a death sentence and turned it into a manageable disease.

You pressed on in your research and changed the world.

...and this mama is ever grateful.

xoxo,

Love from,

Gratitude Project: My Parents and a Day of Rest :: Day 3 and 4

Happy Sunday, friends!

Since it's the weekend, I thought I'd combine day 3 and 4 in one post.

Day 3

On this day of my gratitude project, I am thankful for: my parents!

What's not to say about these two?

Not everyone makes it to adulthood with 2 good strong, supportive and loving parents - but we did, and I am so grateful. 

This weekend I had a blast with my parents, shopping a big sale at Old Navy. We spent way too much time sifting through jean sizes and sweaters and line ups and change-rooms and the mess that is a large store with a 50% off sale on a Saturday -- and we laughed through it all. Mel was patient with my mom and I as we passed him shirt after shirt to try on and my mom was adventurous in trying anything new I suggested to her -- thus indulging my deep love of shopping (another gratitude post, I'm sure!).  On the drive home, I was struck by the fact that we found such joy in such a simple time.

As individuals, my parents are both committed to Jesus, family and each other - and as parents, they are committed to loving my brother, me and everyone we have brought into the fold throughout the years - from friends to spouses to new babies. 

They love fiercely and they listen to God even more-so. They are selfless, strong, wise and fun and I am thankful to call them mine!

Here's to good family!

Day 4

And for this day, this lovely sunny November day...I am thankful for Sundays; a day of rest. I am thankful for days off, and quiet hours. 

When I got home from church today, I read a little bit, sent a few emails and then found my way to my bed, while my husband and son were out on an adventure and just had a quiet, still afternoon. In God's infinite wisdom, He, too, rested after a week of work - an example I'm thankful for, as it's not always easy for me to slow things down, relax and unwind.

So, rest and family. Two good things to be grateful for. 

I go to bed this Sunday feeling blessed, thankful and ready for a new week!

What are you grateful for this weekend?

xoxo,

Love from,

Gratitude Project: These 32 Years... 🎉 :: Day 2

A few days ago I turned 32.

(A few moments to let that sink in...)

32 years have been good to me, I must say. I joke about feeling old and have plenty (PLENTY) of grey hairs to show for these years, but really, today on this 2nd day of my gratitude project, I have to give a shout out to these 32 years as something I'm very thankful for. 

I remember having to do a project back in school, where we had to imagine ourselves 20 years in the future. I remember drawing a tall (I wish!) brown skinned woman with short curly hair, holding a big purse (nailed that one!) and then...not knowing what to draw from there... 

A husband? ...Would I be married? Kids? ...Would I have the 1 girl and 1 boy I'd always imagined? A job? Where to begin! ...Singer? Artist? Mom? Florist? (Among other dreams!). -- In the end, I think I settled on drawing myself with a cat and a car...two things I was fairly certain I could attain in twenty years. 

There were so many things stored up in my heart, so many dreams for "the future", many that I thought were too big to even put on paper; but here, at 32 years old, I am in awe of what God has orchestrated in my life, to allow so many of these dreams to come true.

From silly 'bucket list' items: like learning how to knit a proper toque, memorizing a recipe and visiting NYC...to big life items: like getting married, having a baby, recording a CD and meeting bill Gaither (eee!)...32 years have given me a whole lot to be thankful for. Chief among them, is the ever-growing knowledge of how to trust in Jesus. How to actually give Him my heart -- how to walk hand in hand with Him and allow Him to guide me, help me and love me, day in and day out. 

And you know what, the more I learn to lean on Jesus, the more I learn that I need to KEEP leaning on Him! (Say that 3x fast!). It's a lifelong, daily dependance, one that I learned about through a time of fear in my life that shook me to my core -- but this lesson feels like the best thing to have ever come out of these 32 years. A lesson that I hope to share with my son, my husband and anyone who wants to hear it. 

So, life, thank you for these years. Thank You, God, for allowing me this time to grow, to age, to learn, to love, to sing, to laugh... Thank you for all the experiences and the memories that come with these 32 years -- and thank You for the grace and mercy I know I will have for however many years will follow.

xoxo,

Love From,

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1 🍂

November is here. . . How do we feel about that? 

As a lover of all things festive and 'holiday', it's music to my ears. This is so completely my favourite time of year. Here in Canada, the beautiful month of October starts out with loved ones gathered, giving thanks together, November offers a little more rest and a time of remembrance and then December comes boldly, bringing us all that beautiful, snowy magic (or, in our case here on the West Coast...all that rainy, wet, foggy magic...but somehow it's still so good!) 

Yes, Fall is in full swing and I am loving every minute! The leaves, the pumpkins, the crisp air, the return to routine, the festive lattes at Starbucks...I could go on!

But what I'm here to tell you is that today, in honor of the first day of November (and to keep myself busy until December gets here!!) I started a journalling project: to write about gratitude for 30 days.  

The start of November feels like the perfect time to slow down, reflect and be thankful. The Christmas season is just weeks away-- a time when many of us are shopping and buying and gathering and getting, and it will be refreshing to step into that season with a heart full and brimming over with gratitude.

Now, there are so many things that I am thankful for -- definitely more than 30 -- but how often do I really stop to express that gratitude? To get specific? To really say...thank You?

I think it's important, if even just to ourselves, to really identify the goodness in our lives. So often, in adult life, we focus on the "need-to's", the "should-be's" and far too often...the "what-if's"... but what if we spent more time filling up the "things I'm thankful for..." list? Perhaps we might come out on the other side feeling filled-up, valued, grateful...wealthy, even. Perhaps we might realize we have exactly what we need, right here where we are. 

So...Day 1.

If you know me, you know it would be true my nature to start listing everything I am thankful for, right here on this little list (list-lovers, unite!) -- but I will stick to the task and list one a day.

Today I am thankful for: the changing seasons.

I say it dozens of times from September to December (I've even already said it, above) but this is just my very favourite time of year. From Fall to Christmas it sure feels to me like life just can't get any better -- but then... as December wraps up and we prepare to welcome a brand new year...full of possibility and choice and the beauty of a blank slate... my heart starts to look toward Spring with it's fresh flowers and picnics in the park.  --- The same thing happens as Summer rolls around and I dream of warmer days and campfires at the beach. And then...you turn around, and you are looking forward to Fall and Winter again...

It's almost like there is Someone out there who knows just what we need...just when we need it.

When summer starts to feel hot and we crave cooler, crisper days, there is Fall, waiting with cozy, open arms -- and the cycle continues.

And while I may be just a teensy bit more thankful for Fall and Winter than all the other seasons...(wink, wink)...I am so thankful that the Lord knows just what I need - in so many ways, and how the changing seasons reflect that so beautifully. 🍂 He has a great plan and it's knit into every little thing.

______

If you want to join me on this gratitude journey, I would love to hear, each day, what you are thankful for! Let's gather up all the goodness in our lives and share it with each other this month!

Happy November, friends!

Love From,

to the mom of one

It can be a lonely thing to be a mom of just one child.

Not for the child -- the way that so many think.
Not for the mama at home -- you are rarely alone when you have just one as you are so often the playmate.

But amongst other mothers? Most definitely.

We live in a mom-focused society. It's never been more fashionable to have a baby on your hip, or a troupe of children walking down the street with you.
There are so many things geared and focused at moms & mom-life - and when you partake in them with "just one", so often you are looked at with the look of -- "oh...you just have...one?".

Hands up if you've heard "Don't you think he wants a brother or sister?" or "You are SO LUCKY to just have one! I don't know what I'd do with all that spare time if I only had ONE!".

It's as if you are the quiet sideshow, a "less-than", in a community of women raising many children. This person who only has to raise one child.

And of course nobody means any harm by saying these things - they never do. But the feelings still arise. Feelings of comparison, that we all struggle with as moms, are mixed in with feelings of inadequacy and feelings of guilt for not having, or maybe not wanting, more than one.

In reality, life as a mom to one is not that different from life as mom of many. Sure, our day-to-day activities are probably very different but - as far as motherhood goes -- We all worry, we all play... we all buy diapers and wipes and toys and clothes...We bandage skinned knees, we drive to soccer and ballet, we save for college...We are all moms.

So, to the mom of the only child:

You -and your child- are enough.

Your child is not spoiled. You are not "so lucky" to only have one. We are ALL lucky to have any children; whether one or five. You are...a mom. You have a child, just like all the other moms. You worry the same, you hurt the same, you play, you laugh, you care-for the same.... just like all moms.

You are a mom. And that is enough.
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Thoughts: This Path We're On...

January 26, 2017. 1:00am.
Those first steps out of the hospital doors that night felt so much like the day we first took him home as a new babe. We were standing in the same place, eyes wide with excitement; with this precious life to care for. We felt the incredible weight of responsibility paired with this new depth of a love we had never known before. The only difference between this night, and that day in 2009, is that this time, instead of excitement, we were wide eyed with an overwhelm of information & unsettling fear that I truly thought would never leave me.

That night at the hospital was filled with testing, waiting, wondering, listening, comprehending...a few tears...and one shot of insulin that would become the first of hundreds to come. (He will have had over 1,200 injections by Christmas).

Once we got home, we put him to bed and then...we cried. Well, I cried. My husband held my hand, lay beside me, hugged me and held back the tears that I know he wanted to let out, too. We cried, we watched, and I laid awake, checking every few minutes for a sweaty brow or a shaky body... it was more than I thought I could ever learn to handle.

The following morning, we began what would be our new routine: finger prick - test sugars - count carbs - injection - eat (repeat...and repeat and repeat). I will never forget that first injection I gave him: shaky hands, nauseous stomach, trying to hide tears from my little one as I lifted his shirt & poked his skin. It felt wrong. I knew the insulin would help, and this was all for good, but I felt so wrong - inflicting the (albeit, small amount of) pain that my child was cringing over. Giving him a needle. Mums are supposed to be the hand-holders in those moments, not the needle-givers.

I was grieving so many small things that week. So many comforts that I had become used to - so many eases of every day.  As I said before, I thought, "surely I will never be able to handle all this".

> > > Fast Forward > > >

April 1, 2017. 10:22pm.
I sit here, beside my husband, both of us finishing up some writing on our computers. Our little one is sleeping in his bed - and all is...normal.

Normal...whew.

I did wonder if we would ever feel normal again; I honestly wondered if I'd ever even breath again. I couldn't imagine being anything but worried in the future (In my irrational worrisome nature, I even gave thought to rearranging my schedule so that I could sit in the car outside of all his lessons & playdates...).

They say hindsight is 20/20 - (they say a lot of things, don't they...) but, what is foresight? Because mine was just so off. I could never have pictured us here, back to feeling like "us". Not worried about every little moment. Making it through the highs & low's (and I'm not talking figuratively this time!) and being...okay. I pictured a struggle for every injection, a scared child, a whole new menu of foods, endless doctor's appointments. When I looked 2017 in the face, I saw worry & overwhelm clouding every corner. I just couldn't have imagined...peace.

And yet, it always shows up. (Why do we always wonder?)

Peace.

I really couldn't have imagined it. Me? A worrier in the truest sense of the word, experiencing peace - through this? ...I could never have imagined it.

...but, then, as always...entering quietly in the depths of my heart...Jesus. The One who can grant peace where peace seems impossible. The One who can calm a raging sea. Jesus came & covered me with peace when I thought that any chance of it was gone...

"He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or think!" -Ephesians 3:20

I know it won't always be a peaceful path that we walk and changes will surface over the course of the year and years to come, but, diabetes was not nearly the worst news we could have received from the doctor that night. So many parents have experienced so much worse. So many long to be parents, so many wish they still had their child with them to even worry about... No question, Diabetes or not...we are blessed. As my sweet Irish grandpa said every day "No complaints, whatsoever".

So, no complaints - not even one.

Here we are, 2 months later, feeling, both, back to our normal selves - and yet completely anew...and I have to say I like it. I can feel God's peace in my heart in a new way than ever before - and it all came through this trial.

I love the line in the song "Through It All" that goes "I thank Him for my mountains & I thank Him for my valleys, I thank Him for the storms He brought me through - 'cause if I never had a problem, I wouldn't know that God could solve them...I wouldn't know what faith in God could do."

Such a perfect line that sums it all right up. I have seen yet another beautiful side of my Jesus, through this - and I hold Him even closer to my heart now.

Watching God work is amazing. To watch your heart go from broken pieces to a beautiful mosaic of trust & peace, is the most beautiful thing you can imagine, and, if this is what our trials can bring us to, it might just be worth it.

XO,
Love from Valerie